Vintage Paddling

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Customers…

(An old man walks into the lobby.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing?”

Customer: “Everyone I can.”

Me: “…”

(The customer pulls out a cigar, lights it, then ashes it on the counter.)

Me: “You can’t smoke a cigar in here.”

Customer: “That’s what she said.”

Me: “…”

Via http://notalwaysright.com.

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Oldies

If Only I had This Traveler Cup When I Was Poor and Drank Old Crow

Swingin!

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Scientists at the Creation Museum

They are generally displeased.  via the New York Times.

Dr. Sato likened the museum to an amusement park. “I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed Disneyland” she said.

Did she enjoy Disneyland?

“Not very much,” she said.

No.

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Ahead of the C U R V E S

Frederick’s of Hollywood marketing techniques are tried and true through the ages.

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“Women Are Soft and Gentle, But They Hit Things”

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F I S H

You make me want to cry, fish

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Oh. Hello Cactus.

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10 most suggestive cacti found here.

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Red Goes Green

Amsterdam Cleans Up The District

Amsterdam pretty much invented the idea of the global hub, attracting travellers and traders since the 17th century. They all found swift satisfaction in the local ‘houses of pleasure’, which the city has been trying to manage ever since.

via Wallpaper

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WANTS

Loves it, as would any little girl

Awesomeness via Tactical Corsets

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Banksy v. Bristol Museum

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The Lost Art of Raisin Smuggling

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Forever Golden

A nice collection of horrifying permanent art. Wait, is Tony Danza’s face art?

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TEES

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Nerds and Fonts

For the favorite typeface geeks, here’s a round-up of the top 10 readily-available monospace fonts for your coding enjoyment, with descriptions, visual examples and samples, and download links for each via Hivelogic.

Clint Eastwood in Garamond

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Stella Awards

It’s time again for the annual “Stella Awards”! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember….. she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.

FIFTH PLACE

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had
just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic
garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open.
Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage
to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count
‘em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog
food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental
Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson
$500,000 for his anguish.

FOURTH PLACE

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the
Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the
beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as
much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been
provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the
fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

THIRD PLACE

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia
restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and
broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

SECOND PLACE

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby
city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her
two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies
room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club
had to pay her $12,000….oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

FIRST PLACE, WITH A BULLET

Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the
freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s
seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not
surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not
surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s
manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the
cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a
result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might
also buy a motor home.

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Ooh, Puppy!

No.

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Size Don’t Matter

Hulk Hogan's Daughter and her rapper boyfriend

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N i g h t

Time to Wake Up

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BUMPADDLE

It's a Cricket Magazine, I swear.

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All Dogs Go To Heaven

Would Jesus Approve of This Passive-Agressive Debate? Probably.

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Time Travel

You want to learn how to travel through time and/or get mindfucked?  The movie Primer is not at all helpful for the former but will get you to the latter.

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Food Love

Or Write Your Own Homage to Noms

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McGee Strikes Again

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McGee Becomes a Born Again

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